Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I love you. Go after that dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
