He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
