i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
sex in a hospital.. check
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
