I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
