i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
