So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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