I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
