toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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