my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
