wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
