dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
