Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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