WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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