It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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