textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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