Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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