she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
