You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
