I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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