they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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