So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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