This is not my ceiling
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i came on her dog
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Enjoy the penises
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
