Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
