On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
