dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
