plz talk dirty to me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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