I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
