so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
