i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize