I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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