paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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