Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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