So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
