I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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