So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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