You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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