Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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