my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
