I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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