i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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