maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize