did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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