We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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