it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
