Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
