The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
