i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
