I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
