I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
