Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
