he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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