hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
