I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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