Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
