He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
