Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
