Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
