Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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