just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
