She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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