my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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