I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
