READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
