guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
