NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
