my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
