Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
