I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This baby is an asshole
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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