the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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