We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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