Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
